


my birth makes you smile (i make you smile)

by OMGTHEFEEL



Series: dreaming of stardust and sunshine (with the taste of copper in my mouth) [2]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Birthday, Childhood, Fluff, Gen, I LIED I'M NOT FINISHED EDITTING, M/M, Pre-Slash, Sort Of, jiyong pov, seer seungri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 15:56:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMGTHEFEEL/pseuds/OMGTHEFEEL
Summary: jiyong's ninth birthday and how he spent it.





	my birth makes you smile (i make you smile)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [i imagine life so much it feels like a memory](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16236137) by [OMGTHEFEEL](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMGTHEFEEL/pseuds/OMGTHEFEEL). 



> jiyong is nine and seungri is like... six, almost seven. who let these children outside?? rewritten some parts.

-o.o.o-

“please come out jiyong,” eomma pleads to him; she knocks on his door and falls silent when he doesn’t respond. jiyong muffles his sniffles against his palm before pressing his face into his pillow. 

“i’m sorry honey, i should’ve told you after your birthday. eomma’s so, so sorry. can i come in?” she asks.

jiyong doesn’t reply and rolls over to pull the covers over his head. he kicks his favorite plushie off the edge and pretends he doesn’t hear her.

there’s a quiet  _ chink  _ outside his door. “i’m leaving a slice of your cake outside your door, okay? whenever you’re feeling better, just come downstairs…” eomma sighs quietly. “happy birthday jiyong.”

-o.o.o-

jiyong's sixth birthday ends with bitter tears and muffled crying, his seventh and eighth birthdays are not any better.

-o.o.o-

a hallway, an empty dressing room and a flippant remark, "i need me a someone who'll serenade me with blackstreet at shit-am in the morning."

-o.o.o-

_ "it's going down fade to blackstreet. the homies got rb collab creations funk like acne, no doubt i put it down never sloUCH." _

jiyong jerks up from his bed abruptly as the familiar droll of blackstreet and dr. dre beat through his head like a hammer. 

jiyong groans. the blinding sunlight hits his eyes and he rubs his palms against his face. he mentally wills the pounding of his head to go away.

"eomma?" jiyong yells, "what's happening?" 

he squints at his windows distastefully, ultimately deeming the distance between him and the shutters too far before shoving his head underneath his pillows.

"your little panda is what's happening jiyong." eomma calls back, there’s a badly hidden laugh in her voice, "he's outside."

at the mention of his seungri being outside, jiyong blinks himself into awareness, quickly rolling himself out of bed. to cry out when his body met nothing but air. 

he catches himself with his forearms before he can face-plant against the floor and awkwardly maneuvers his body so that he wasn’t sliding forward before wiggling his legs violently to free them from his blankets.

jiyong crawls across the carpeted floor of his room weakly, shivering when the cold air met his skin, before jumping up twist open his door. 

he skids across the cold wooden hallway, backtracking when he slides past the bathroom door and jiggles the locked handle. 

"wait!" his noona yells in annoyance before the sound of a toilet being flushed and running water coming from the sink reaches through the door.

jiyong knocks his head against the door persistently, almost vibrating in impatience.

“noona,” jiyong whines pitifully. “hurry up.” 

“i’m done,” his noona rolls her eyes at him.

he rushes past his annoyed sister and brushes his teeth quickly before splashing water on his face and patting his cheeks with the dragon patterned towel seungri had got him.

jiyong huffs in displeasement when his reflection in the mirror clears. he looked tired with his dark eyebags and messy hair.

jiyong hums, furrowing his eyebrows before rubbing the shadows beneath his eyes in annoyance. 

he pouts at his tired reflection, pinching at his cheeks to bring some color to his face before deeming it a lost cause. 

jiyong sweeps a hairbrush through his hair as the beat of no diggity urges him to go faster. 

_ "as long as my credit could vouch a dog couldn't catch me straight up. tell me who could stop with dre makin' moves-" _

he runs back to his room and throws open his closet, leveling a measuring look at his clothes before picking out a warm, red polka-dotted sweater and white undershirt. 

jiyong sifted through the back of his closet in search of pants, making a triumphant noise in the back of his throat when he finds a pair of comfy, blue overalls. 

he pulls the overalls up hurriedly, only clipping one side of the suspenders up before leaving; he snags a pair of warm socks off the floor as an afterthought.

jiyong hops down the stairs, pulling on his socks clumsily and almost slipping- he manages to catch himself on the banister. 

jiyong runs past his amused parents, and pouts when he has to backtrack and to let eomma kiss his cheek with a soft “have fun my little dragon and don’t forget your jacket.” 

he grabs his coat off the rack, slips on some warm boots before opening the door and-

_ “surprise hyung-ah!” _

-o.o.o-

[words scribbled on the back of a convenience store receipt with yellow highlighter] i want someone to write my name in the sky on my birthday.

-o.o.o-

jiyong's breath catches in his throat when seungri greets him with his usual-run-and-tackle-hug that jiyong has learned to catch. 

jiyong stumbles back a little when seungri’s weight hits his body; he spins in place just as seungri’s arms wrap themselves around his waist before hugging him just as tightly. there's a silly smile on jiyong’s lips when he buries his face into seungri's soft hair. 

"seungri-ah," jiyong says happily. "i missed you."  

as if he hadn't been seeing him every single day since the moment they met.

seungri giggles at him, the sound is bubbly and childish and it makes jiyong smile even wider.

"i miss you too. jiyong-hyung, jiyong-hyung," seungri chants quietly, the way he says his name never fails to make jiyong's heart squeeze. 

jiyong hums in askance.

seungri looks up at his beneath his long, dark lashes and whispers, "look up."

and jiyong does. 

there's a plane overhead, the roar of its engine almost drowns out every other sound as it flew in loops and lines, eventually spelling out the words 'to a special person, kwon jiyong.' 

the words are stark white against the blue-grey sky. jiyong would question how seungri made that happen but he's too busy trying not to gape. 

"bae-ah owed me a favor." seungri says as if it explained everything. it does.

_ (the soft rhythm of dr.dre's voice was still playing in the background, drumming in time with his heartbeat. thump. thump. thump. thump.)  _

"thank you seungri-ah," jiyong says breathlessly, eyes wide and head tilted back, still staring above. 

seungri smiles into his sweater. 

-o.o.o-

[a dog cafe flyer the words all-day-special-event is circled in pen.]

-o.o.o-

jiyong spends a few seconds just watching the sky. watching as his name just floating in the air for everyone to see and enjoying seungri’s warm body against his when seungri tugs against his hold. 

jiyong lets go of him reluctantly.

seungri walks over left to a red wagon holding a bulky, familiar-looking boombox and turns it off.

jiyong tilts his head at the boombox laying inside it, coming closer to examine it and asks, "where did you get it?"

“it was dad's.”

"he let you borrow it?" jiyong asks, reaching for seungri’s hand. 

seungri nods. "i got the tape from bum-ei. he's a fan of blackstreet too."

jiyong makes a noise of vague interest, tugging seungri closer; he rests his chin on seungri’s head, intent on enjoying the silence.

seungri laughs quietly and tangles their fingers together, absentmindedly playing with his fingers. his body is so very soft and warm in his arms and jiyong could feel himself getting sleepy again. 

jiyong leans on him a bit more, nuzzling his head against seungri's soft hair. he smells like strawberries and vanilla. 

"we need to go hyung-ah," seungri suddenly says. 

he pulls on jiyong's arm and jiyong allows himself to be pulled along, holding on to seungri's hand. 

they ran through the streets, turning to different paths and through unfamiliar roads with old rundown buildings and quiet streets, ducking beneath branches and drawn-on-signs until everything begins to blur.

"where are we going?" jiyong asks when they pass a brick fountain and the buildings begin to look even older than usual.

"a pet cafe!" seungri chirps, his eyes crinkling mischievously as he directs them underneath a bridge and straight through some bushes. jiyong squints to avoid the falling leaves from poking his eyes out and opens his eyes when light hits his eyelids. 

seungri grins at him faintly before promptly pulling him through a narrow, brick alleyway, taking left and right turns here and there until jiyong’s gets dizzy trying to keep up with it all.

"a pet cafe?" jiyong asks, he sends seungri a skeptical look as if saying this-doesn’t-look-like-a-pet-cafe-to-me, “are we going the right way? i didn’t bring any money either.”

"no worries hyung-ah," seungri waves his (perfectly understandable) concerns away with a wink. “it’s a shortcut! i’ve been here a few times plus i know the owner.”

they exit the alleyway and seungri takes a look around, head swerving left and right before his face brightens up. jiyong follows his gaze to see a run-down store with orange-tinted windows with paw prints that might have been black once decorating its front. the words ‘cafe-cafe’ proudly hung above the door of the shop and a large bell sat between the two words.

seungri drags him towards the entrance and waves his arm in a flourish, dramatically introducing him, "welcome to the cafe-cafe."

"cafe-cafe?" jiyong says with a laugh, his gaze lingers on the bell for a second before peering through the windows. he perks up when he spots a few dogs running in the back.

seungri nods seriously, ushering him through the door. “they have the cutest dogs and best hot chocolate.”

a rush of warm air greets them when they walk in. the shop smells like chocolate and orange, and the sound of paws clipping against wooden floors and bells fills the room.

seungri calls out cheerful greeting and a voice replies from the back, “come in!”

“stay here and play with the dogs,” seungri says before he lets go of his hand and skips past him, carefully avoiding the enthusiastic dogs. 

he makes his way behind to a wide glass display, showcasing a wide array of sweets. 

he pats the small corgi sleeping on the counter before pushing past the swinging doors, leaving jiyong alone.

the cafe's interior was painted in a soft orange and brown. there were cream-colored couches scattered around the room. 

jiyong makes his way to one of these couches, there tiny white-and-brown-spotted bulldog laying near the foot of the couches and it lifts its head when jiyong sits down.

the tiny bulldog watches jiyong for second, brown eyes tracking his every movement and jiyong held his breath as it came closer.

the tiny bulldog sniffs his feet and jiyong squirms as it judged his boots. the tiny bulldog apparently deems his feet okay and promptly flops its body over his feet.

jiyong let out a strangled squeal at its cuteness. 

he gently pats it’s soft head, marveling at the texture of its ears and how it leans in closer into his palm.

a husky chuckle catches his attention, "i see you're fond of little hio."

-o.o.o-

[calendar with green writing, a circle around a forgotten day] treat yo self. no work. no stress. just music and friends and dogs.

-o.o.o-

"thank you halmoni!" seungri chirps at her, he cups the frosty hot chocolate drink reverently and blows on the drink gently.

"thank you halmoni-nim," jiyong repeats after him, gingerly accepting the warm gooey chocolate-chip-cookie with one hand; his other hand was still preoccupied with petting little hio.

"oh, it's no problem sweetie," she coos, her eyes crinkle and she ruffles his hair. “call me halmoni.”

“yes halmoni,” jiyong repeats dutifully. he carefully bites into the cookie and closes his eyes happily at the thick chocolate taste melting on his tongue.

“and you.” she turns over to pinch seungri's cheek gently and chides, "you little rascal, not even telling me what time you'd visit. you're lucky you're so cute."

seungri smiles sunnily at her, a line of whipped cream framing his upper lip making him look even younger than he already was. 

jiyong laughs at him, feeling impossibly fond, "seungri-ah, you're so messy." 

jiyong stops petting little hio and grabs a napkin before carefully wiping his face. seungri pouts at him but obediently tilts his head back.

jiyong hears the owner laugh, husky and low, and feels himself flush at the sound. 

she's watching them both with amused eyes, the wrinkles around her eyes softening her face, there was a hand was covering her smile.

"you're both very adorable," she says to them. 

a black husky dog makes its way over, pushing its head against her fingers demandingly and she appeasingly pets it, rubbing her fingers against its ears. 

"when seunghyun-ah told me he had a friend coming over, i thought he'd introduce me to someone burly and intimidating," she says nonchalantly.

_ what? _ jiyong whips his head back to seungri who chokes on his drink. he thumps his chest lightly before he pushes the curious dogs off his lap, sets his drink down, and stands up. 

"halmoni! what kind of person do you think i am?" seungri whines pitifully, his eyes were a bit teary from coughing earlier and it's a devastatingly heart-melting technique.

unfortunately for seungri though, the owner has had three children, five grandchildren, and a whole shop full of dogs. she’s way past any point of having any weakness against any type of puppy eyes.

"someone who doesn't have a healthy fear of strangers," she retorts amusedly.

halmoni jerks her head towards seungri, eyes resting on jiyong's face, "do you know how i met this kid? he was serenading people with a ukulele. this tiny little kid the age of- what? six? just following strangers around and singing to them."

jiyong has an alarmed look on his face at the thought of tiny six-year-old seungri with his chubby, rosy cheeks, and sunshine smile following strangers into dark alleys. 

"seungri!"

"wait, wait, wait-" seungri waves his hand frantically, his cheeks are flushed pink. "it's not what you think hyung-ah!" 

“you can’t follow strangers seungri-ah,” jiyong scolds him, he raises a finger to poke at seungri’s forehead.

seungri covers the spot he poked with a stubborn frown. “but hyung-ah…” 

“no,” jiyong shoots him down before he can start.

seungri huffs at him.

halmoni chuckles before she tilts her head back thoughtfully muttering, "now where did i put that thing again?" 

her lips curve into a slight smile and pushes herself off the sofa to shuffle off to the back.

little hio presses his head against jiyong’s fingers and jiyong feeds him another dog treat. 

a light strum catches his attention and jiyong looks up to see halmoni cradling a small ukulele decorated with a distinctive panda sticker on the front.

“oh!” seungri gasps delightedly and holds his arms out, "i forgot i left it here."

halmoni hands it to him with a mock-outraged huff, "you forgot? oh how i am wounded."

seungri grins boyishly at her and she laughs.

he looks at jiyong through a fall of fluffy black hair and says, "hyung-ah, sing with me." 

seungri lightly strums the instrument, a familiar tune playing out slowly, and he sings, "life and death and love and birth and peace and war on the planet earth."

he laughs when a curious puppy comes up to nose the instrument. seungri pushes it away gently with one hand, "is there anything that's worth more than peace and love on the planet earth?"

“whoaah, come on and sing it with me,” seungri grins at him. 

"sing?" jiyong says, smile tugs on his lips and he presses closer to seungri. 

"the words relate to the key," seungri closes his eyes and lets himself be swept into the song. 

"key?" jiyong says teasingly. he pulls seungri closer to him, eyes completely fixated on his peaceful expression. 

seungri laughs and pulls them both upwards, "if it's a pattern, if it's a pattern, then just repeat after me."

jiyong jumps in, eyes alight with mischief, "life and death and love and birth."

seungri opens his eyes in surprise before he laughs, "life and death and love and birth." 

they spin around in unison and the dogs at their feet playfully barks at them, some falling over themselves as they attempted to follow their spin.

seungri winks at halmoni, "now you sing mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la, and peace and war on the planet earth!"

she covers her smile with a hand. 

"life and death and love and birth and-!" jiyong sings.

"life and death and love and birth and-!" seungri sings.

"life and death and love and birth and peace and war on the planet earth." halmoni sings quiet, her voice thrums with a low, rich rasp that makes seungri clap his hands in delight.

seungri glances at jiyong from the corner of his eyes, "is there anything that's worth more-?"

jiyong could feel the familiar sensation of heat climbing on his face as he sings back softly, "is there anything that's worth more-?"

seungri’s gaze falls back down and he looks at his ukulele, soft and achingly fond. he strums out the last notes, gentle and bubbly and everything- 

everything felt so, so warm. as if time was slowly down, and warm spread down through his bones. 

he was on the verge of something, jiyong thinks, something important, something good- but the thought disappears just as quickly as it came when seungri looks up and smiles at him. 

"is there anything that's worth more than peace and love on the planet earth?"

-o.o.o-

[ripped off corner of notebook paper, crumbled and stained with coffee] wanna see the leaves change colors and breathe in cold air.

-o.o.o-

"bye-bye halmoni!" seungri waves at her cheerfully.

jiyong is decidedly less cheerful. 

he clings to little hio a bit tighter and little hio slobbers his face in enthusiasm. jiyong lets out something that sounds a bit like a sob.

seungri pats his back gently, "hyung-ah, you can come back again!"

halmoni chuckles, "yeah, come back and visit anytime you want."

jiyong implores, "really?"

halmoni grins at him, "really." 

she pulls a paper bag from behind her back and hands it to them, "a treat for the way home."

seungri accepts the bag with a grin and tugs on jiyong's arm. "come on hyung-ah.”

jiyong gave little hio one last pat, saying to him seriously, "i'll come back." 

little hio tilts his head to the left, watching jiyong with large brown eyes before promptly losing interest in him and turning back to go inside. 

jiyong swears that his heart broke a little. 

"you're ridiculous, hyung-ah, ” seungri tells jiyong as they walk down the street. "you tear up over the weirdest things."

says the boy who cried when he found out they stopped selling panda-shaped ice cream sandwiches, jiyong thinks back furiously.

"you're ridiculous," jiyong retorts.

"i'm hurt," seungri says, leaning forward and glancing at jiyong from the corner of his eye. he’s smirking at jiyong, and jiyong would very much like to wipe that smirk off of seungri's face, "i thought you loooooved me."

"not anymore," jiyong says, crossing his arms across his chest.

seungri pretends to be hurt, but his eyes are sparkling and there's cheeky smile peeking up on his face when he shakes the paper bag in his arms, "then i guess you don't want any of the cannolis halmoni gave us?" 

jiyong wavers for a moment, a long moment jiyong insists later, and thinks of warm, crunchy cannolis oozing with soft cream before he holds out his hand irritably, "give me."

seungri laughs at him.

jiyong huffs at him, "so rude, i'm older than you, you know." 

he takes a bite from the powdered cannoli and almost cries from how good it tasted, all crunchy outside and soft cream inside. 

"i know, i know, hyung-ah." seungri agrees cheerfully, biting into his own cannoli.

a breeze blows by, shaking the trees overhead; ushering a quiet atmosphere around them. 

jiyong closes his eyes as countless of yellow leaves fell down from above. He reaches for seungri's hand blindly, hooking a finger around the younger boy’s before tangling their fingers together. 

jiyong kept his eyes closed, trusting seungri to lead him on as the sound of leaves follow their footsteps.

"hyung-ah," seungri whispers, his voice cut through the cold, quiet air. "look."

and jiyong opens his eyes to a street completely painted in brown, orange, red, and gold. 

thousands of leaves scattered across the road, covering the path before them.

jiyong's eyes widen as the vibrant colors fill his vision, he turns his head to seungri and-

seungri’s cheeks are pink and his nose is red from the cold, there’s a small smile on his face, softer than anything jiyong’s ever seen before and a gentle light in his eyes that takes his breath away. 

jiyong breathes in cold air.

-o.o.o-

[orange marker on pink paper, a vague drawing of a duck and two people sitting on it] ??? 

-o.o.o-

"where are we going now?" jiyong asks him.

he recognizes the path they were on. it was the same path he had taken for the past year or so just to see seungri. 

"to the park," seungri replied easily.

jiyong knew that, but why?

"we're going to ride a duck."

yeah ok, but-

"what?" jiyong stops and whips his head at seungri.

seungri grins at him, mischievous and alert. "we're going to ride a duck."

“why are we riding a duck again?” jiyong asks incredulously. 

“because it’ll be fun,” seungri answers. 

seungri pulls him further up the road and jiyong helplessly follows him. 

seungri leads him to the pond harbor where a grizzly-looking man meets them and jiyong really, really wants to cry. 

"you kids ready?" the man gruffs, his eyebrows were thick, almost covering his eyes. his clothes were stained with a suspicious color and jiyong’s pretty sure that’s a hammer in his hand. 

no, jiyong thinks desperately. 

"yes," seungri says cheerfully.

"good." the man replies. he gestures towards a boat with his hammer.

it looks like it might've been shaped like a duck at one point, but all it was now was a sad imitation of a golf ball with a piece of orange foam stuck on it. "she's ready for you."

jiyong looks at seungri, fresh-faced and overeager, all wide smiles and bright eyes. there were nervous twists and tumbles inside his stomach and his teeth were clenching in an effort not to whimper. 

seungri looks over and notices this- he always does- and holds his hand tightly. it’s a heady, solid weight that makes jiyong relax despite his fears. 

"this is crazy." jiyong says when he's being strapped on and the boat leans to the left, dangerously close to flipping over.

"this is crazy," jiyong says when the engine begins to sputter ominously half-way through the ride and their seats begin to shake.

"this is crazy," jiyong says when they're flying across the whole pond and he's holding onto seungri for dear life.

"this is  _ absolutely crazy _ ," jiyong screams into the roaring wind, "i can't believe you convinced me to do this."

and seungri laughs madly at that, his eyes were closed in absolute exhilaration. 

he yells back with bright, bright eyes, "then why are you laughing hyung-ah?"

and he was right. jiyong  _ was _ laughing. 

he's breathless, wet, flushed, and absolutely  _ terrified _ but he's laughing.

_ "you are crazy," _ jiyong yells even as his face breaks out into a wild laugh.

seungri whoops even louder in response. 

-o.o.o-

a whisper underneath the blankets in front of a tv. a grasped hand, legs tangled together. a man with a chainsaw flashes red and screams follow, “do people like that really exist? shit. i’m morbidly curious to see if they do.”

-o.o.o-

"thank you for the ride mr. han," seungri says brightly, his cheeks is flushed pink and his hair is horrendously wind-swept and jiyong doesn't look much better either.

han grunts, dark eyes intensely focused on seungri's fluffy head and jiyong has half the mind to pull seungri back before mr. han steps forward and roughly ruffles his hair.

he thankfully ignores jiyong and makes a gesture with his face that, jiyong realizes with a morbid interest, might’ve been a smile if a smile had more teeth and less lip. 

he leaves with a curt, "be good, kid." and stalks off into the night.

"okay!" seungri promises cheerfully, waving as the man walks away from them, off to... wherever people like mr. han went to. 

(he was still holding his hammer.)

-o.o.o-

[crumpled paper with crossed out words and poorly drawn stars around the edges] a sky full of stars and the moonlight highlighting your silhouette as fireworks spark in the distance. the smell of bbq, the smell of embers, the smell of your shampoo mixed with mine. 

-o.o.o-

seungri takes his hand again just as the sun starts to set. the park is dyed orange and seungri's hair burns red. his mouth is slightly parted and eyelashes dark and heavy against the pink of his cheeks. 

they walk down the sidewalk, a comfortable silence blanketing them.

seungri suddenly comes closer and raises an arm to cover his eyes and jiyong heart races wildly.

"what are you doing?" jiyong whispers, afraid to break the silence around them. 

seungri's mouth is next to his ears, and a quiet laugh falls from his lips. 

he says, "it's a surprise." and he tugs him forward, hand still covering his eyes. "trust me, and don't open your eyes."

jiyong's heart drums in his ears and his hands feel clammy but he says, "okay." 

because he does- trust him he means. he trusts him a lot. jiyong doesn’t think he trusts anyone as much as he trusts seungri and it’s crazy but at the same time, it feels right.

seungri's hand tightens on his and he leads jiyong forward, one step after another. 

jiyong can hear crickets beginning to wake, their little cries filling the quiet air. he can hear the sound of leaves crunching beneath their feet and the light rustling of the trees above them. 

"we're almost there hyung-ah," seungri whispers and there's a fond tone in his voice that makes jiyong want to open his eyes to see if he's smiling but he doesn't, because he promised not to.

"okay." jiyong says. 

one step after another, jiyong follows seungri through the dark and for a moment he forgets about the world around them. 

it feels as if he and seungri were the only ones who exist in the world. 

they walk and walk and walk until he hears voices in the distance, familiar ones. he hears the familiar sound of sizzling meat while his favorite songs play in the background. 

"hyung-ah," seungri says. "you can open your eyes now."

and he does.

there's a crowd of people in the distance, made up of people jiyong’s met throughout his life in gwangju. there's a banner hanging above them with the words 'happy birthday kwon jiyong' and pretty blue lights scattered across the park.

he can spot his parents cooking meat on a griller, embers flickering out against the night and the delicious smell of bbq reach his nose.

seungri's parents are setting up the table. someone carries a cake with candles to the center. 

jiyong's sister is waving a sparkler around, weaving her way through the crowd and leaving sparks of light in her trail.

"happy birthday jiyong-hyung." seungri says sweetly before he hugs him. 

and all of a sudden, jiyong remembers the lyrics he had been writing the night before.

remembers all the scribbled words, all abstract meanings and lazy descriptions, capturing the bare minimum of what he felt whenever he thought of seungri, of them, and of their voices mixing together. 

_ how you look when you’re pink, how that smile curls around your teeth, and how your hair looks messy and so soft. how you look under porch lights while you tilt your hand out into the rain and tell me about your day. _ jiyong had written, _ how you look when you laugh and how you look when you curl up beside me all warm and soft edges.  _

he had folded those words up and placed them underneath his bed in a box, swallowing them from the tip of his tongue and kept them in the back of his throat but now they’re bubbling in his chest and all jiyong wants to do is whisper them to seungri.

he knows seungri wouldn’t judge him if he did but it was weird. this feeling that appears inside his stomach everytime seungri looks at him. 

it was weird and jiyong’s not entirely sure what to think about it, because he’s not sure that’s what best friends are supposed to feel about each other.

-o.o.o- 

“thank you seungri-ah.”

-o.o.o-

jiyong won’t forget that day.

the sky had been especially starry that night, and the view from the park presented a map of outer space right before his eyes. 

there had been a slight breeze, and seungri had complained about being bundled up in too many layers by the time the night was over because people kept saying he looked like he was cold. 

there had been a sea of twinkling lights, the ones on the ground or the stars, there was no difference, and jiyong had felt like he was in the center of the galaxy, floating in space with his best friend beside him.   
  
he had closed his eyes and there had been stars behind his eyelids, shining just as bright, twinkling from staring at the view for too long, as if he had stars tattooed behind his eyelids. 

but those stars eventually faded out into black, so he opened his eyes, and seungri was right there in front of his face staring right back at him so perfect, so cute, so gentle, so nice.

seungri’s hands around his torso. seungri’s breath on his collarbone. seungri’s lavender shampoo in his nose.

he’ll never forget happy  feeling that had ran down the pit of his stomach, at the tips of his toes, in the palms of his hands when seungri was by his side.

he’ll never forget his 9th birthday.

-o.o.o- 

jiyong’s sixth birthday ended with bitter tears and muffled crying but jiyong's ninth birthday ends with endless laughter and gummy smiles.

-o.o.o-

**Author's Note:**

> boiiii is jiyong in denial. it's understandable tho. he's like way too young to be thinking about this... for now. seungri forgot his ukulele again. lol hope you enjoyed <3
> 
> poem: inkskinned/tumblr.com  
> song: peace and love on the planet earth


End file.
